Jokes

Posted on 29 April 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock.

The man says, "Madam, I don't repair clocks. I am a Mohel. I do circumcisions."

She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?"

And replies, "What do you think I should have in my window?"

-- Joke submitted by Carl V.   [Jokes]



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Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood.

"He sure is cute, but he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs."

"Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind!"

-- Joke submitted by galata   [Jokes]



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A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train. Along came this woman seeing the two cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"

The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know."

The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?"

The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know."

The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"

The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company."

-- Joke submitted by Lucy Povey   [Jokes]



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Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers.

The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love."

The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes."

The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

-- Joke submitted by boun   [Jokes]



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An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes, the old man cane slips on the floor and he falls.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby turns to him and says, "Sir if you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."

The old man snaps back, "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today."

-- Joke submitted by Harry Nons   [Jokes]



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A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."

-- Joke submitted by Bill Tomp   [Jokes]



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A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire."

The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground."

So the crocodile bit his legs off.

-- Joke submitted by Lounel   [Jokes]



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Q: What's the difference between a fat person and a virgin?

A: A fat person is trying to diet, and a virgin is dying to try it.

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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