Jokes

Posted on 4 February 2012


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.
Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen quid."

She says, "Fifteen pounds? You're crazy. For fifteen quid, I'll let only you look at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "Oh my, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's beautiful."

She says, "Thank you."

He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"

She says, "Go ahead."

He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?"

She says, "Of course."

He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on a holiday to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it.
After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades.

"And on the third day..." he began.

"No! no! start with the first day," Everyone yells out in chorus.

"And on the third day," the private continues "she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom..."

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary's pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, "Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!"

The waiter says, "Can I help you, sir?"

Gary yells, "There's a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the f*** out of here!"

The waiter apologizes up and down as he quickly takes the spaghetti away.

Mary looks over at Gary, and shaking her head, she whispers, "What a hypocrite you are. You spent most of last night with your face full of hair."

Gary says, "Yeah? Well, how long do you think I'd have stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there?"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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An officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the soldier ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.

"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal of bravery. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."

"Warehouses!?" the soldier shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"

-- Joke submitted by Clive   [Jokes]



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Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.

He asks her what it is and she embarrassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!"

Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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