Jokes

Posted on 7 February 2016


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.

The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?"

The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work."

The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C'mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud...They're hookers!"

A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?"

The mother replies, "Of course, Dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"

-- Joke submitted by Leo Russell   [Jokes]



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A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight."

He says, "Why's that?"

She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."

-- Joke submitted by Patrick   [Jokes]



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Just before a new graduate nurse lifted a patient's gown to give an insulin injection, she warned the older gentleman, "There'll be a little prick."

The eighty-nine-year-old man, with a twinkle in his eye, returned, "Oh, so you're a psychic, as well as a nurse!"

-- Joke submitted by Vicky   [Jokes]



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There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.

"What happened, Grandpa?" asked by his concerned children.

"Well," he answered, "I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!"

-- Joke submitted by Spatch   [Jokes]



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A woman returned home after having her tenth child, left the baby with a nurse, and rushed off to the nearest hearing-aid store. The doctor took down her medical history and general information. He was stunned that she had ten children.

She said, "That's why I want the hearing aid."

"I don't understand," the doctor said. "What does a hearing aid have to do with babies?"

"In my case, everything. You see, I make my husband dinner and we sit down to watch television and read a little. Then, after the eleven-o'-clock news, he asks, 'Do you want to watch more television or what?' I can't hear him, so I say, 'What?' That's why we have ten kids!"

-- Joke submitted by Diana   [Jokes]



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Two girls were discussing their heavy smoking habits.

"I get such a yen for a cigarette," said one, "that the only effective countermeasure is to pop a Life Saver into my mouth and suck hard."

"That's fine for you," huffed her friend, "but I don't happen to live in a house that's right on the beach!"

-- Joke submitted by Belina   [Jokes]



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Three guys enter a club one night, whilst sitting down, sipping on their drinks, a stripper comes over and offers a lap dance.

One of the guys decides to show off to his friends so he takes out a 10 note, licks it and sticks it on one of the stripper's bum cheeks.

The other guy, not wanting to feel left out take a 50 note and also licks it and sticks it on the stripper's other bum cheek.

The last guy, being so drunk, takes out his credit card instead and swipes it down the stripper's butt crack, takes both the money and runs out of the door.

-- Joke submitted by Ian Batler   [Jokes]



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One day a father and his ten-year-old son were on the bus, when the boy noticed a redhead with huge breasts..."Hey Pop," the son cried, "look at those boobs!"

The father, a religious man proceeded to send the boy to an all male military academy, in the hope that he would get some manners.

Six months later the boy came home and the father decided to take him on another bus ride.

Again, a woman with very large breasts sat across from them. To see if his son had learned any manners, the father exclaimed, "Look at the boobs on that redhead!"

"Boobs my eye," the boy replied with a smile, "get a load of the a** on that bus driver!!"

-- Joke submitted by zill   [Jokes]



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