Jokes

Posted on 26 May 2015


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed.

There's no sign of the offending vehicle, but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

The lawyer picks up the note. "Sorry. I just backed into your BMW. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

-- Joke submitted by Kenny Fleming   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand.

The lawyer asked, "When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?"

"Yes, sir, they were."

"Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"

"Yes, sir, she did."

"And," looking at Judi, "what was it she said?"

"She said, 'What disco am I at?'"

-- Joke submitted by ScorpioQueen   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt encrusted piece of metal. He scratched away at it to remove the salt, to reveal a very old oil lamp. With an embarrassed look around him, the guy gives it a quick rub... a Genie appeared.

This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.

"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates," says the guy.

"You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish?"

"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."

The genie waved his hand and the requested Porsche appeared.

"But what about the third wish?"

"Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later?"

"Gee, this is most unusual. But you're in control, and I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready," and whoosh the genie disappeared back into the lamp.

The guy carefully placed the lamp on the passenger seat of his new car, and fastened the seat belt. He turns on the radio and pulled off the beach, heading south along the Pacific Coast Highway.

Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio.

"Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener..."

-- Joke submitted by Lancaster   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


An inebriate enters a restaurant and asks the cashier, "Did you see me come in the door, there?"

"Yes I did, sir."

"Have you ever seen me before?"

"No, I haven't."

"Then, how did you know it was me?"

-- Joke submitted by green bean   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A group of astronauts are on the moon. They've been mining the surface, and have discovered that it really is made of cheese. One particular area of cheese that they're quite interested in is a large vein of brie, and they've already been there twice, and collected samples to be returned to mission control.

All of a sudden, the radio crackles into life: "Mission control to cheese-base-one - we need you to get a third load of that brie!"

But the astronauts are unhappy with the idea. They try to come up with all sorts of excuses why they shouldn't dig any more..."It'll spoil the environment if we take too much. We don't want to leave this place looking bad... After all - have you ever seen such a site in your life as brie mined thrice?"

-- Joke submitted by John Bidok   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5