Jokes

Posted on 25 February 2017


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"

-- Joke submitted by John Safford   [Jokes]



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A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on."

She told him, "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."

He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on."

She told him, "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf. When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.

"I'm in sales."

He replied, "No kidding! So am I. What do you sell?"

She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised.

She said, "I sell tampons."

He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".

He replied, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you."

-- Joke submitted by J.J.Harker   [Jokes]



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A sadist, a masochist, a zoophile, a necrophile, a pyro, and a murderer are bored.

Suddenly, the zoophile says, "let's have sex with a cat."

The sadist says, "let's have sex with a cat and then torture it."

The murderer says, "let's have sex with the cat, torture it, then kill it."

The necrophile says, "let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, then have sex with it again."

The pyro is really excited and says, "let's do all that and then burn the shit out of it when we finish."

They turn to the masochist who has been quiet this whole time . Finally, he says, "meow."

-- Joke submitted by kortis   [Jokes]



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"My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis," mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies.

"No," says the friend, "people don't die of syphilis anymore."

The angry biker replies, "They do when they give it to me!"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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Q: What did one of the prostitute's knee say to the other?

A: Nothing. They have never met.

-- Joke submitted by Ginger Gin   [Jokes]



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An old old woman is walking in the forest with a gun. She meets a young man and says to him suspiciously, "Wanna rape me, huh?"

"No, no, certainly not."

(Pointing her gun on him) "But you will."

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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Q: What's the best part of a blow job?

A: The ten minutes of silence.

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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