Jokes

Posted on 27 March 2015


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

It was Schneider's birthday, and that morning there was a knock on the door.

"Telegram!"

He opened the door excitedly, "Is it a singing telegram?" Schneider asked the messenger boy.

"No Sir. We don't do singing telegrams anymore."

"I've always wanted a singing telegram. Can't you bend the rules and make an old man happy?"

"Sorry."

"Please," begged Schneider. "Today's my birthday."

"Oh, all right," said the boy,

"Dah-dah dee... dee-dee-dah, your sister Ruth is dead!"

-- Joke submitted by Alyssa Wilson   [Jokes]



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Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend, "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you think."

One of the students said, "I think it's Petry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought... but you are wrong."

Then the other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought... but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was gas... but I was wrong."

-- Joke submitted by Granddo   [Jokes]



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A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor.

The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."

-- Joke submitted by Nancy Atwood   [Jokes]



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Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.

Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.

Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

-- Joke submitted by blondy   [Jokes]



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"Rather absent-minded, isn't he?"

"Extremely so. Why, the other night when he got home he knew there was something he wanted to do, but he couldn't remember what it was until he had sat up over an hour trying to think."

"And did he finally remember it?"

"Yes, he discovered that he wanted to go to bed early."

-- Joke submitted by Rob Turner   [Jokes]



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