Jokes

Posted on 25 August 2016


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds' legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.

The student looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked to the door.

The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"

The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You tell me buddy! You tell me!"

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer.

"Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said.

Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was the answer.

"Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?"

"Yes," replied the leader of the blonde group, "But go look at how much they left sticking out of the ground."

-- Joke submitted by PerichH   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


An insurance agent approaches a cowboy, trying to sell him an accident policy.

The agent inquires, "Have you ever had an accident?"

"Never," the cowboy responds. "However, just recently a horse kicked in two of my ribs, and back a couple years ago a rattlesnake bit my ankle."

"Wouldn't you call these accidents?" says the puzzled agent.

"Nah," the cowboy replies. "They both did it on purpose!"

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish'."

-- Joke submitted by Tom-tom   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills...
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains...
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles...
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it...
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time...
If you can overlook when people take things out on you, when through no fault of yours, something goes wrong...
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment...
If you can face the world without lies and deceit...
If you can conquer tension without medical help...
If you can relax without liquor...
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...

Then, you are almost as good as your dog or your cat.

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of $500 to any employee who could come up with a foolproof way of saving money.

The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to $10.

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


"So, what happened after the usher threw you out the side door?"

"I tried to tell him that I belonged to a very important family."

"Then what happened?"

"He begged my forgiveness, brought me back inside, and threw me out the front door."

-- Joke submitted by packing duck   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5


A woman went to open her refridgerator, finding a rabbit sitting inside.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Isn't this a Westinghouse?" asked the rabbit.

"Yes, it is."

"Well, I'm westing."

-- Joke submitted by Hilda McVicar   [Jokes]



  1

  2

  3

  4

  5