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Jokes

Posted on 2 September 2010


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.
A tightwad was convinced by a friend to buy a couple of lottery tickets. But after he won the big prize he didn’t seem happy.

"What's wrong?" the friend asked. "You just became a millionaire!"

"I know," he groaned, "But I can't imagine why I bought that second ticket!"

-- Joke submitted by Rizzle   [Jokes]



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A little girl walks in to the living room one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper. "Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father, feeling a little perturbed that his 5-year-old daughter is already asking difficult questions, thinks for a moment and says: "Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares, at him with a watery eyes in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks, "And Tigger?"

-- Joke submitted by DC   [Jokes]



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On his golden wedding anniversary, a man was asked whether keeping a marriage happy gets more difficult as the years go by.

"Yes, it does," he replied. "The most difficult part is making your wife feel honored on her birthday without reminding her which one it is."

-- Joke submitted by Danny   [Jokes]



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Issy is a very wealthy man and for his mother's birthday he goes to a Sotheby's sale and buys her a very expensive painting. When he gets back home, he can't wait to phone to tell her what he's bought for her. "Hi, mum, it's me, Issy, your number one son, your boychik."

"Oh... is everything all right, bubbeleh?" she asks.

"Yes, mum," replies Issy, "everything is fine. I'm ringing to tell you that for your birthday, I've just bought you a Rubens."

"Rubin?" she says, "Do you mean Rubin the accountant?"

"No, mum, Rubens is a great painter," explains Issy, laughing.

"Oh, this I didn't know," she says. "Listen, bubbeleh, ask him how much he'll charge to paint my kitchen."

-- Joke submitted by anonymous



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A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

-- Joke submitted by Pete_Ex   [Jokes]



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