Jokes

Posted on 18 September 2014


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A guy wants to become a magician so he goes out and buys a magician book. Later he gathers his family around the living room for his first trick.

Reading his new book he reaches into a bag and pulls out a hammer and to the amazement of his family hits himself in the head with it. He's unconscious and spends a month in the hospital.

Suddenly a nurse notices his eye lids flicker. She calls the family in and they gather around his bed.

Just then he sits up in bed awake and says..."TA-DA!"

-- Joke submitted by Tom Villa   [Jokes]



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The sergeant was in one of his rare moods as he lectured the recruits. "Let me ask you a simple question, what is fortification?"

There was no response. Nor did any of the rookies answer when he repeated the question.

Walking up to the new man who looked closest to normal, the sergeant barked right into his face, "What is fortification?"

The soldier gulped and managed an answer, "Two twentifications, Sarge!"

-- Joke submitted by Marty   [Jokes]



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One day two blind men started fighting. Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.

Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out: "I bet 10 quid on the one with the knife."

Both men ran away.

-- Joke submitted by Selinder   [Jokes]



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One doctor always stopped at a local bar after work for a hazelnut daiquiri - a special drink the bartender created just for him.

One day, the bartender ran out of hazelnut flavor so he substituted hickory nuts instead.

The doctor took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

-- Joke submitted by Carl Poluchek   [Jokes]



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Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"

Patient: "I am 60!"

Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

-- Joke submitted by malagora   [Jokes]



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