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Jokes

Posted on 9 March 2010


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine, "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"

-- Joke submitted by Ben Ward



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Strolling into a bank, a woman presented a check and asked the teller to cash it. The teller informed the woman that she must first identify herself.

Pulling a mirror from a purse the woman looked in it and said, "Yes sir - it's me, all right."

-- Joke submitted by Julie Fox



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Jim took two enthusiastic swings at the golf ball and missed both times.

He looked up at his companion and said, "That's funny - this course is two inches lower than the one I usually play."

-- Joke submitted by cutie pa2ti



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Last night police were called to a branch of Pizza Hut after a body of a member of staff was found covered in mushrooms, onions ham and cheese.

The police spokesman said that there was a strong possibility that the man had topped himself.

-- Joke submitted by Marguerite Lacroix



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Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

1. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!

2. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.

3. Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

4. Uh-oh.

5. I don't know where that came from! Just put it over there.

6. Better crank up that anesthesia.

7. I don't think that was supposed to come off.

8. Gonna have to stop here, his insurance won't pay for the rest.

9. Well, it's five o'clock! We'll just put this off till tomorrow.

10. Hey... maybe the janitor knows what this is.

11. Cool! These colors are giving me flashbacks.

-- Joke submitted by Marty



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