Jokes

Posted on 18 April 2015


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A young woman asked her mom one day, "How do I keep guys off me?" and her mom replied, "Ask him what the baby's name will be".

So the next day she goes to a party and asks guys who are hitting on her, "What will the baby's name be?"

This gets rid of them in a hurry.

Then one guy dances with her and she asks, "What will the baby's name be?"

So he takes her upstairs and when they're done she asks again, "What will the baby's name be?"

He then removes his condom, ties it at the top and says, "If the baby gets out of this, call him Houdini."

-- Joke submitted by Betty   [Jokes]



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There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.

She does and they continue.

A few minutes go by and he tells her again, "Open your legs a little wider."

She does, then he says again, "A little wider, hon."

The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.

This continues until he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"

So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?"

He says "No, I'm trying to get them out."

-- Joke submitted by Carl V.   [Jokes]



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A few facts of life

A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.

Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Coors, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

-- Joke submitted by Tim Gorham   [Jokes]



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A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it."

The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."

-- Joke submitted by santro   [Jokes]



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An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs, and every morning the farmer would head out to feed them. And every morning, he would see all the pigs screwing up a storm. He would get turned on by this and try to get back to the house in time to screw his wife -- but he always got soft before he got there. So one day, he took his hatchet and headed out to the pig pen.

"No!" said his wife. "Don't kill those pigs!"

"I'm not going to kill them. I'm moving the pen closer to the house."

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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