Jokes

Posted on 20 December 2014


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

This man had been having a few beers down at the neighborhood bar. It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called, so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself.

To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them. The guy got up and took off running. The man could see the naked outline of the gals bare legs as she continued to lie there while he relieved himself. He could feel his interest grow as he finished. Without a word he got down on his knees between her legs and took advantage of the situation. She embraced him and showed her willingness.

Just as they were both getting into it hot and heavy a cop walked by and shined his flashlight on them saying, "What the hell do you think your doing, this is a public park."

The man said, "But officer this is my wife."

The officer said, "Oh, I didn't know she was your wife."

The man said, "Neither did I 'till you shined your light on her."

-- Joke submitted by Gideminas   [Jokes]



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Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. Any questions, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"

She says, "One hundred dollars."

He says, "All I got is thirty."

She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?"

"A hand job," Harry replied.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty quid is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his trousers, and out pops a huge smooth and very beautiful penis!

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back..." She runs back to Harry.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Any chance you could lend this guy seventy bucks?"

-- Joke submitted by Logan LeBlanc   [Jokes]



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While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup.

"How's your sex life?" the doctor asked.

"Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects."

"What's that?" the doctor asked anxiously.

"Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on."

-- Joke submitted by MrGold   [Jokes]



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A concerned patient asked the doctor if masturbation is harmful.

"Not usually," answered the doctor. "Not unless you do it too often."

"How about three times a day?" the patient asked.

"That seems a little excessive. Why don't you get a girlfriend?"

"Oh... I already have a girlfriend," the patient replied.

"I mean a girl you can live with and have sex with?" asked the doctor.

The patient said, "I've got one just like that!"

So the doctor asked, "Then why do you masturbate three times a day?"

"Because... she won't have sex during mealtimes!"

-- Joke submitted by anonymous   [Jokes]



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A lady goes to her gynecologist complaining of pain during intercourse.

"Every time I do it doggy style, it hurts terribly!" she exclaims.

The doctor queries, "Why don't you use the missionary position?"

"I would, but I can't stand the dog's breath in my face."

-- Joke submitted by edd   [Jokes]



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