Jokes

Posted on 23 November 2021


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."

The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"

The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"

-- Joke submitted by Mollisidelli   [Jokes]



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An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.

Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.

"Tell me, how old are your grandsons?"

The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six..."

-- Joke submitted by Kate Mula   [Jokes]



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There was this yellow toad hopping down a path in the woods. He was feeling really sick and had such a terrible cough he thought he might croak. Anyway, he came upon a man who, it turns out, was a doctor. He diagnosed the frogs illness right away, but, alas, he found he was not carrying the medicine with him that the frog required.

The doctor pointed down the path toward a distant hill. "Toad", he said, "if you can hop down past that hill you will find a village where my office is located. Take this prescription with you and tell the Pharmacist to give you what you need." The toad thanked the doctor and started on his journey.

A few hours later, the doctor came upon a bunny , hopping through the woods. "And how are you today, Mr. Rabbit?" said the doctor.

"Not so good," came the reply. "I hopped on a thorn a few miles back and my foot is starting to swell."

The doctor looked at the rabbit's limb and applied a temporary bandage. "You need to see my nurse who will give you a better dressing and make you well again."

"Oh thank you!" said the rabbit. "Which way do I go to find your office?"

With that, the doctor pointed toward the distant hill and said, "Follow the yellow sick toad."

-- Joke submitted by Kira Menko   [Jokes]



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An American tourist in France found that he had a two hours' wait for his train at a junction, and set out to explore the neighborhood. He discovered at last that he was lost, and could not find his way back to the station. He therefore addressed a passer-by in the best French he could recollect from his college days, mispronouncing it with great emphasis. He voiced his request for information as follows:

"Pardonnez-moi. J'ai quitté ma train et maintenant je ne sais pas où le trouver encore. Est-ce que vous pouvez me montrer le route à la train?"

"Let's look for it together," said the stranger genially. "I don't speak French, either."

-- Joke submitted by Ives Petit   [Jokes]



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How to Build a Web Site in 25 Steps

1. Download a piece of Web authoring software - 20 minutes.

2. Think about what you want to write on your Web page - 6 weeks.

3. Download the same piece of Web authoring software, because they have released 3 new versions since the first time you downloaded it - 20 minutes.

4. Decide to just steal some images and awards to put on your site - 1 minute.

5. Visit sites to find images and awards, find 5 of them that you like - 4 days.

6. Run setup of your Web authoring software. After it fails, download it again - 25 minutes.

7. Run setup again, boot the software, click all toolbar buttons to see what they do - 15 minutes.

8. View the source of others' pages, steal some, change a few words here and there - 4 hours.

9. Preview your Web page using the Web Authoring software - 1 minute.

10. Try to horizontally line up two related images - 6 hours.

11. Remove one of the images - 10 seconds.

12. Set the text's font color to the same color as your background, wonder why all your text is gone - 4 hours.

13. Download a counter from your ISP - 4 minutes.

14. Try to figure out why your counter reads "You are visitor number +16.3E10" - 3 hours.

15. Put 4 blank lines between two lines of text - 8 hours.

16. Fine-tune the text, then prepare to load your Web page on your ISP - 40 minutes.

17. Accidentally delete your complete web page - 1 second.

18. Recreate your web page - 2 days.

19. Try to figure out how to load your Web page onto your ISP's server - 3 weeks.

20. Call a patient friend to find out about FTP - 30 minutes.

21. Download FTP software - 10 minutes.

22. Call your friend again - 15 minutes.

23. Upload your web page to your ISP's server - 10 minutes.

24. Connect to your site on the web - 1 minute.

25. Repeat any and all of the previous steps - eternity.

-- Joke submitted by Rory   [Jokes]



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When a girl's answer to the question "Is he your boyfriend now?" in front of her other girlfriends ~ "He's just a friend"
Interpretation: You are just a friend!

When a girl's answer to the question "Is he your boyfriend?" in front of other people ~ "No! We're just friends, really."
Interpretation: You are nobody!

When a girl's answer to the question "Is he your boyfriend?" in front of her work mates ~ "I just met him a few months ago."
Interpretation: You're not even on her mind

When a girl's answer to the question "Is he your boyfriend?" in front of her mom ~ "He's a friend. He's nice to me."
Interpretation: You can never set foot in her house ever!

When a girl's answer to the question "Is he your boyfriend?" in front of another guy ~ "He's just another friend."
Interpretation: The girl likes the other guy! haha

When a girl's answer to a text message from another guy "Is he your boyfriend?" ~ "We're just friends."
Interpretation: Inside a girl's mind "Better make a move or you'll stay in the friend zone too..." haha

When a girl's answer to the question "Are you a couple already?" in front of the guy's best friend ~ (smile..............)
Interpretation: I like what he's doing to me. I'll keep him a little longer then dump him when you're not looking haha

-- Joke submitted by Dreyfuss Konigg   [Jokes]



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