Jokes

Posted on 24 November 2021


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Once a woman invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear mommy say," the woman answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

-- Joke submitted by Helen Bolduin   [Jokes]



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A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found Bob.

"I think this one will really move," said the broker. "It's only $1 a share."

"Buy me 1000 shares," said Bob.

The next day the stock was at $2.

Bob called the broker and said, "You were right, get me another 5000 shares."

The next day when Bob checked in the paper, the stock was at $4! He ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10000 more shares!"

"Great!" said the broker.

The next day Bob looked in the paper and the stock was now selling for $10 a share! With all his purchases, Bob had made over $100,000 in just 4 days! Excited, Bob called the broker and said, "Sell all my shares! I want to cash out."

The broker replied, "I would, but to whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

-- Joke submitted by makhno   [Jokes]



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After being elected president of a local women's club, one woman wondered if the job would take too much of her time. After listening to her worries, her husband recommended that she learn to delegate responsibility.

"All right," she smiled. "Go take out the garbage!"

-- Joke submitted by Vicky   [Jokes]



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It Might Be Redneck Love If

Your wife can drink a gallon of hooch quicker than you can.

You confused shaving cream for whipped cream and didn't notice until morning.

You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance to meet women.

Your wedding reception was catered by your previous wife.

Your will states your wife can't touch your money until she's 14.

At the wedding, you and your wife Instant Messaged your vows.

When people talk about the Big Easy, you think they are referring to your ex-girlfriend.

You proposed to your wife while working under your truck.

Your definition of "getting lucky" is passing the emissions test.

The last time you fought with your wife was on The Jerry Springer Show.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You're making payments on more than one wedding ring.

You took your honeymoon photos to Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

You've ever asked a widow for her phone number at the funeral home.

You have to reschedule your wedding because the alimony payment was late.

-- Joke submitted by Tim Linscott   [Jokes]



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Relationship Communications

If you hear, "I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship."
It probably means, "I'm ready for a relationship whenever you are."

If he says, "I want someone who will understand me."
He means, "Don't complain when I spend most of my time with my friends."

If she says, "I'm looking for a fairytale romance."
She means, "Do you have a good job? I'm not working after I get married!"

If he says, "Let's not put a label on our relationship."
He means, "I'm still dating other people so don't refer to yourself as my girlfriend."

If you hear, "I'm looking for someone to sweep me off my feet."
It means, "Take me to fancy restaurants and buy me expensive gifts."

-- Joke submitted by Donna   [Jokes]



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Ten reasons why TV is better than the world-wide web

1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Friends" and got a "Not Found 404" message?

3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV–even on MTV.

4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.

6. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.

7. "CSI" never slows down when a lot of people tune in.

8. You just can't find those cool infomercials on the Web.

9. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to cable.

10. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a soda in one hand and chips in the other.

-- Joke submitted by Ella Wood   [Jokes]



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