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Jokes

Posted on 8 March 2010


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny jokes updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.
A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25 year old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized.

When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money."

"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please?.tell me what I can do?"

"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters."

-- Joke submitted by Paul Clark   [Jokes]



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The girl was anxious but the boy was nervous. "What would you do if I kissed you?" he asked.

"I'd call my brother," she said.

"How old is he?"

"Two and a half."

-- Joke submitted by Betsy   [Jokes]



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A British colonel was walking down the street in London when he saw a guy with no arms and no legs sitting in the gutter playing a mouth organ. A sign beside the guy read "Victim of Falklands War."

"Bloody disgraceful, what," said the colonel, "the way the country treats its veterans!"

So saying, he pulled out his wallet, peels off two fifty pound notes and dropped them in the guy's hat.

The guy looked up and says, "Mucho gracias, senor."

-- Joke submitted by Frank Campton   [Jokes]



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"And you tell me several men proposed marriage to you," said the husband.

"Yes, several," the wife replied.

"Well I wish you had married the first fool who proposed."

"I did!"

-- Joke submitted by Kate Polansky   [Jokes]



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You Might Be in the Health Care Field If...

1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
3. You believe in serial spraying of Prozac.
4. Your idea of comforting a child is placing him in a papoose restraint.
5. You believe that "Shallow Gene Pool" should be a diagnosis.
6. You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.
7. You think unspeakable evil will befall you is anyone says: "Boy, it sure is quiet around here."
8. When you are out in public, you compliment complete strangers on their veins.
9. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide - Getting It Right The First Time."
10. You have ever had to leave a patient's room before laughing hysterically.
11. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
12. You have ever restrained someone, and it was not a sexual experience.
13. You commonly utter the phrase: "What changed tonight at 2am that made this emergency after 6 months?!"
14. You believe that "Too Stupid To Live" should be a diagnosis.
15. You think putting a Valium salt lick in the ER waiting room is a novel idea.
16. When you mention vegetables, you are not thinking of a food group.
17. You have been exposed to so many x-rays you don't even bother with birth control.
18. You have used the words "Healthcare Reform" to strike fear in the hearts of your co-workers.
19. You have heard, "Why, I don't know how that got stuck there" too many times.

-- Joke submitted by Alyssa Wilson   [Jokes]



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