Funny Stories

Posted on 4 February 2012


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.
One hot summer I worked for the "L'il Stinker" company, a guy down the street from us that pumped septic tanks. It actually wasn't a bad job. Most of my day was spent driving all over backwoods San Diego County in a big white pickup truck (San Diego County still had backwoods then). My job was to get to the customer in advance of the tank truck, find the septic tank, and dig down to the lid so everything would be ready when "Sweeney" got there with the tank truck. The tank truck was great -- huge black monster with two white stripes running down the back, a picture of a skunk, and his phone number. If you saw it once, you remembered it instantly whenever your toilets backed up.

Over the course of the summer "Sweeney" told me a number of interesting and possibly true stories. This has always been one of my favorites.

Sweeney got called out to this house in Rancho Santa Fe, a very ritzy suburb. Typical problem, the toilets are backing up. Young husband answers the door, tells him the tank is "out there" somewhere. Sweeney goes out, finds and uncovers the tank, takes a look inside. It's got zillions of condoms happily floating on top of the, ah, other contents. They've floated up against the outflow hole, thereby blocking up the whole system. Sweeney walks back up to the house and brings the guy out to show him what the problem is. The guy is obviously stunned, so Sweeney starts to explain that condoms don't do well in a septic tank.

The guy cuts him off and says between clenched teeth, "I don't use them." He thinks it over for a minute, writes Sweeney a check for the full bill, and tells him to just leave it like it is.

To this day he has no idea what happened when the wife got home.

-- Story submitted by promont   [Funny Stories]



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A telephone sexline worker in Romania was attacked by one of her regulars after he discovered what she really looked like.
The woman from Ploiesti, Prahova county, was recognized by her voice at the market while doing her shopping.

Identified only by her work name, Ella, she said she's been working for the hotline for a few years and never had problems before.

She told Ziarul daily: "As I don't look so nice and one of my legs is shorter than the other I could hardly find a job. When I finally got one it was only because I have this special voice which turns men on.

While at work clients never know who is it at the other end of the line. I suppose they believe I am the perfect woman but I'm not. The one who attacked me is a regular client who usually asks for me when he calls the line.

He recognized my voice when I asked for some parsley at the market. He said he was shocked and felt betrayed because he imagined I was a unique woman with ideal measures. Now he took his revenge."

The woman said despite the incident she would continue to do her job.

-- Story submitted by zallosens   [Funny Stories]



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DETROIT -- A 24-year-old Detroit man needed 16 stitches on his penis after apparently shooting himself with a semi-automatic pistol while asleep. The man, whom police did not identify, was sleeping with a loaded pistol when the shooting occurred early Saturday morning. The man was alone in the house so he drove himself to the hospital, which then notified police.

He told police he did not know how the semi-automatic pistol discharged.

-- Story submitted by Brakermaker   [Funny Stories]



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