Funny Stories

Posted on 13 January 2022


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

"Which one?" I asked.

"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

-- Story submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA   [Funny Stories]



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The head nurse was nearing retirement, she had seen just about everything come through the hospital's labor and delivery unit and always remained calm and unruffled.

A sixteen-year-old in labor was having a lot of pain, writhing on the bed, fighting her contractions, swearing, and refusing to consider epidural analgesia. Streams of obscenities erupted from her room and the girl yelled "F*** F*** F***" right into the nurse's face.

With absolute calm, the nurse patted the girl's arm and said, "Now, you've already done that part. It's time to have the baby."

-- Story submitted by Elaine   [Funny Stories]



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True facts about the 1500's

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies.By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it - hence the saying "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw - piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof - hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway - hence, a "thresh hold."

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while - hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that they could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up - hence the custom of holding a "wake".

-- Story submitted by Tina Hoggins   [Funny Stories]



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CLEVELAND, Ohio.
It was another typical morning for Elese Martin. She was just making her way into the bathroom when she thought she saw something floating in the toilet.

What she found when she bent over to peek into the bowl was the majority of a five-foot-long boa constrictor. The snake was attempting to slither its way into the apartment via the plumbing but was still partially trapped in the pipes. If Elese had walked in a few minutes later she would have found the animal coiled on the floor, or perhaps in the bathtub.

Police eventually caught it by using a noose designed for handling wild dogs. Police say the snake may have been a pet, but building managers say they would evict any resident who had kept the reptile in the building.

-- Story submitted by anonymous   [Funny Stories]



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"Our memory was affected by various substances which shall remain nameless," CSNY's Graham Nash once confessed.

He wasn't kidding: "One morning I got up," David Crosby later recalled, "jumped in my Volkswagen bus, drove down to (Monkeys frontman) Peter Tork's house, got out, walked through the living room, and went and lay down by the pool...before I realized I hadn't put any clothes on."

-- Story submitted by Lorraine   [Funny Stories]



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