Funny Stories

Posted on 23 May 2022


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags, and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scum bags!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.

The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.

-- Story submitted by Rory   [Funny Stories]



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The door of the science office at my high school opens outward, and a number of students have been whacked by it. To prevent any more mishaps, one of the teachers stuck a warning on the door advising people not to stand too close. There was also a comic strip attached showing a student being hit by a door being opened.

One day I was pushing a cart into the hall and opened the door extra wide. To my horror the door struck a student standing outside. After determining that he was all right, I asked why he was behind the door even though the warning was there.

"I was reading it," he replied.

-- Story submitted by Frank Doplin   [Funny Stories]



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Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful.

"In ten years," I said, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now."

Carolyn shrugged, "In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway."

-- Story submitted by Ann Trelawney   [Funny Stories]



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Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."

Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."

Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

-- Story submitted by Rob Mara   [Funny Stories]



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I had joined a weight-loss organization and had lost a total of 45 pounds in six months. I had my son and nephew with me one day, and since children are not permitted to attend the meetings, I left them outside while I went in, weighed myself and left immediately. When I came out, my nephew asked how much weight I'd lost.

"Forty-five pounds," I answered proudly.

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "In ten minutes!"

-- Story submitted by Kate Lol   [Funny Stories]



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