Funny Stories

Posted on 11 August 2022


We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily. As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

Joe Torre, New York Yankees manager and father of an infant daughter, on whether nighttime feedings disturb his sleep:

"I'm 55 years old. I get up three times a night to go to the bathroom. The baby is on my schedule."

-- Story submitted by Daniel Evans   [Funny Stories]



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Our five-year-old twins had been squabbling all day, and I'd finally had enough. Pulling them apart, I said, "How would you feel if Daddy and I argued like that?"

My son replied, "But you and Daddy chose each other. We had no choice."

-- Story submitted by Elaine   [Funny Stories]



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One of my friends, a musician, is always upbeat. Nothing gets him down. But when he developed ringing in one ear, I was concerned it might overwhelm even him. When I asked if his condition was especially annoying to a musician, he shook his head.

"Not really," he said cheerfully. "The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello a half-tone lower."

-- Story submitted by kortis   [Funny Stories]



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One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my newborn daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned into the baby carriage and said, "See the doggy?"

Suddenly I felt a little silly talking to my baby as if she understood me. But just as the man passed, I noticed he reached down, patted his dog and said, "See the baby?"

-- Story submitted by Nancy   [Funny Stories]



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It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.

"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!"

I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee."

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!"

I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"

-- Story submitted by callun   [Funny Stories]



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